How Do I Make My Essay More Descriptive?

Question by AnyssaK: How do i make my essay more descriptive?
A desperate, young woman gave up everything for something that could have ended her life at any given moment: crystal meth. That young woman was my older sister Laurel. My sister never really enjoyed school, so she dropped out at age sixteen. Shortly after dropping out, she went to live with her father in Ohio (we had different dads). While living there, my sister met her boyfriend, Nick, who made his money by dealing drugs. She eventually moved in with him and started using. Laurel did not only change her life, but changed me and my families’ as well.
My sister thought her life was perfect. All she cared about was meth, and when she would be able to get her next high. However; once my mom found out she was using, she immediately made her move back down to Georgia. Consequently, Laurel was sent to a rehab center for the first time. Unfortunately, she relapsed shortly after being released. On the other hand, it was very hard for her to find the drugs she wanted sometimes. Therefore, she would go days without getting high and have extreme withdrawal symptoms. I remember one night she came home from a friend’s house and told my mom she had not eaten in 3 or four days. My mom tried giving her a pack of cheese crackers and Laurel threw them in her face.

(thats what i have so far!) i need to make it more like I’m SHOWING the reader what happened not TELLING them. PLEASE HELP! xoxoxo

Best answer:

Answer by Gentoo Linux
your grammar isn’t the best and your transitions need work

Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!