Can You Help Me Correct My Essay?

Question by crazypuma123: can you help me correct my essay?
hi! this is my essay for City Year and i have at least 2 hours til the deadline. they wanted no more than 300 words and this is what they wanted me to write about. also can you tell me if its good.

‘Discuss the social issue that most concerns you and the action you would take to address it.’

One of the social issue’s that most concerns me is drug using. There are many teens who are being pressured into trying drugs and selling them. though, i havent tried them myself, alot of teens who tried drugs, later on end up in jail, rehab or dead. and thats one thing many parents don’t want. the action i would take on would make an organzition based on drugs, and try to teach kids or teens how drugs can affect you. i have not seen an organzation besides the Meth Project that are trying to inform people on how drugs can affect your body. the action i would take is make an organization and if i cant do that at least go online n inform many young people on why you shouldn’t feel pressured to take drugs. and at least give them a good reasonable reason on why they should just say no. i think it can change alot of peopls minds and at least save them from what could happen to them if they did.

Best answer:

Answer by Tommy
Capitalize at the beginning of each sentence and don’t begin one with and. 3rd line from the bottom it should be ‘people’. Don’t say a lot and say the word and not just n.

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3 Responses to Can You Help Me Correct My Essay?

  • annie42 says:

    One of the social issues that most concern me is drug abuse. There are many teens who are being pressured into trying drugs and selling them. I haven’t tried them myself, but I know a lot of teens have ended up in jail, in rehab, or dead, and that’s one thing my parents don’t want. If I could, the action I would take would be to make an organization based on educating kids on what drugs are and how they affect you. I have not seen any organization since “The Meth Project” that tried to inform people about drug abuse. I would form an organization that would reach many young people, through the internet and other ways, to tell them that they should not feel pressured to use drugs, and to give them reasonable ways to say “no”. I think I can change a lot of people’s minds, and maybe even save them from what could happen if they did abuse drugs.

    It is great!! i think it needs one more last line. Good luck.

  • Bobby says:

    Please don’t be offended if I correct absolutely every grammar error I find in this. That’s what I’m going to do. It will make your essay better in the end. 🙂

    I’m going to refer to your sentences with these numbers:
    (1) One of the social issue’s that most concerns me is drug using. (2) There are many teens who are being pressured into trying drugs and selling them. (3) though, i havent tried them myself, alot of teens who tried drugs, later on end up in jail, rehab or dead. (4) and thats one thing many parents don’t want. (5) the action i would take on would make an organzition based on drugs, and try to teach kids or teens how drugs can affect you. (6) i have not seen an organzation besides the Meth Project that are trying to inform people on how drugs can affect your body. (7) the action i would take is make an organization and if i cant do that at least go online n inform many young people on why you shouldn’t feel pressured to take drugs. (8) and at least give them a good reasonable reason on why they should just say no. (9) i think it can change alot of peopls minds and at least save them from what could happen to them if they did.

    Sentence 1:
    -Take out the apostrophe in “issues.” Apostrophes aren’t used to make words plural.

    Sentence 2:
    -Rephrase the end to say “trying and selling drugs.” It’s less choppy that way.

    Sentence 3:
    -Capitalize “Though” and “I”
    -Take out the comma between “Though” and “I”
    -“Alot” isn’t a word. Change it to “a lot”
    -Change “tried” to “try”
    -Take out the comma between “drugs” and “later”
    -Take out the word “on”
    -Put the word “in” before “rehab”
    -Change “rehab” to “rehabilitation”

    Sentence 4:
    -Take out the word “and.” Grammatically correct sentences almost never begin with “and.”
    -Capitalize and put an apostrophe in “That’s”

    Sentence 5:
    -Capitalize “The” and “I”
    -Take out the word “on” (between “take” and “would”)
    -Change “based on” to “about”
    -Take out the comma between “drugs” and “and”
    -Change “and try to teach” to “that teaches”
    -Change “or” to “and”
    -Change “you” to “them”

    Sentence 6:
    -Move the phrase “besides the Meth Project” to the beginning of the sentence.
    -Capitalize “Besides” and “I”
    -Change “are” to “is”
    -Take out the word “on”
    -Change “your body” to “their bodies”

    Sentence 7:
    -Capitalize “The” and “I”
    -Change “is” to “would be to”
    -Put a period after “organization”
    -Take out the word “and”
    -Capitalize “If” and “I”
    -Change “cant” to “couldn’t” (and make sure you put the apostrophe in it)
    -Put a comma after “that”
    -Put “I would” after the comma you just put in
    -Change “go online n inform” to “make a website informing”
    -Take out the word “on”
    -Change “you” to “they”
    -Change “take” to “try” so it fits with the rest of your essay.

    Sentence 8:
    -Change “and at least” to “This website would”
    -Take out the word “reasonable.” If it’s in there, that part is too repetitive.
    -Take out the words “on” and “just”
    -Put a comma after “say”
    -Capitalize and put quotation marks around “No.”

    Sentence 9:
    -Capitalize “I”
    -Change “can” to “would”
    -Change “alot” to “a lot”
    -Change “peopls” to “people’s”
    -Take out the phrase “at least”
    -Change “did” to “used drugs.”

    Although your grammar was far from perfect, I liked your overall essay. Great job.

  • SumDude says:

    start stronger.

    The social issue that concerns me most at this time is drug use among teens.

    {but, sorry, overall it is not that good.}

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